Friday, 13 June 2008

Have You...

...ever felt sad and happy at the same time?
Excited and nervous at the same time?
Joyful and anxious at the same time?
Felt over the moon and yet wanted the earth to open up and swallow you?
That you want to stay and you want to go?
And you want to be anchored and want to fly away?
Yet everything feels like it's happening in slow motion and yet very fast?

I am feeling all that and more!

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I've quit my job. Yes, the one I really love. I still have two months to go. I want to be here forever and I know it's time to move on. The three years I spent here, as a rookie reporter and slowly evolving into an experienced one, the amazing people I met and the interesting experiences I had - It’s been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I travelled across the country, went to places you probably haven’t heard of, did some good stories, and got a peek into lives of people who opened their hearts and homes for me. I have grown as a person and as a journalist. This looks like my swan song but I hope it’s not.

And now you may be wondering what’s next for me. Well, I am moving not just to another country but another continent. I have decided to take an year off to study and have been offered a scholarship. And I couldn’t resist the offer. So basically, my life is in transition, with all the travelling since the last two months and living out of suitcases which got packed before it was time to unpack. And now I have to pack my bags to go off a longer period of time.


I am scared of leaving this security blanket of my home and my job and explore new avenues.
And yet there is this another voice in my head which tells me this is a good thing. I am confident one moment and lost in another. I want time to stand still and I want it to move. I want to savour every moment and I want to taste what’s next. I am eager and I am restrained. I am a contradiction or maybe just torn between the past, the present and the future. I take each moment with a steady calmness, and in the next, there are butterflies in my stomach. I could go on and on about how I feel but I don't think I should. So I'll just say - Wish me luck, everyone!

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And in a update on my travel diaries-

An almost 60-day travel is coming to an end. And I have been surprised at myself. And have learnt again – never say never.

Because you never thought that smiles exchanged would turn into glances exchanged and a language barrier wouldn’t deter in conveying what words could say because your eyes will do the talking. And that you will sit diagonally cross the table and use a translator for a conversation and your eyes would meet for a brief minute and everyone else on the table would be laughing at the casual banter and you would know those words were not said in jest. Working will be easier and you will stop missing home and wish you had a few or a lot more days of travel. But like all good things, this will come to an end. And your eyes will meet for the last time and it would be a bittersweet end. You won't forget the memories but will move on.

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13 comments:

taureandude_23 said...

hey NG
hearty congratulations on getting that scholarship to study abroad! And well i dont feel all but definitely some parts youve mentioned in para 1.

I can totally relate to this post of yours.Reason? I too am quitting my job to pursue my passion, Media Studies. Thankfully though i dont have to move to another continent. Ill pretty much be in Mumbai:D

I have been working for two years, and it is difficult to move on, to let go of a secure lifestyle, to let go of familiar territory, but i guess theres no point feeling gloomy bout it, as change is the only constant in life. Its not like i really loved doing the work i did, but still after 2 years one does have a definite attachment to the place of work no matter hw good or bad it is. Its the same way i felt when my stint in Kolkata got over and i had to come back to Mumbai. i guess its an unsolvable paradox, feeling happy n anxious at the same time.

I also do feel completely nervous at times when i think of the what if? situations. i mean, 2 yrs i have been outta touch with regular studyin, will it be manageable? This field is totally different from my core field, will i survive? I dont know:D

I just know that this is something that i had to do, else id have been cursing myself at not having done it. The only consoling factor is that i have an engg background, and if one has gone thru the 8 semester engg grind, nothing is impossible, which i keep telling myself.

Anyways, all the very best for your study leave. As an added incentive you get to go to another location:D = more travelling, more photography:D Getting away from home will be killing i know, but i guess you are pretty much used to that considering your travels:d

Chal a very long comment i have put up:d All the best again, have a blast! and do continue posting on the blog:D

Take care

Ciao

Kamesh said...

Hi N :)

Wow, that's some news.. Many Congratulations!!!

Good to see my o3 friends going places.. first it was Abhijeet who went to Antarctica, and now you are going to a different continent!!

You have seen a lot during your travels both within India and abroad, so it shouldn't be difficult for you.. but yes, leaving the security of being amidst your people and a job will definitely be something you will have to get used to..
Since you are already used to the serenity of a world class academic campus, that is again not a new thing for you..
But yes, deep within, there will be fears of the unknown..
Knowing you, I am sure, you will conquer those fears and will come out with flying colours and at the end of it, will be a much more evolved individual.. u already are one, btw :D:D

As i mentioned in your previous post, my prayers and best wishes are always with you!! Do well and keep us updated thru your blog.. And don't forget to call me once you are back home!

Take Care!!

Curious said...

>:D<

Welcome to the grad world Zephy.. All the best too!

Am sure u'll love being back in college..

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hi TD,

Thanks!

And this seems like a season of quitting jobs.. . :D

At first I didn’t like my job too… you know how they test the new rookie reporter before sending you out on a big assignment.. but it grew on me and now it feels weird to leave…

I swear… I forgot all about exams and assignments and now I have to get back in the grind… sometimes I wonder why am I doing this!! I also have 8 semesters of engg so its gonna get me thru to whatever shit happens…

I am sure u’ll get thru with flying colours… jisney 8 sem ragad liye who kuch bhi kar sakta hai :)

Take care.. and best of luck to you too!!

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hi Kamesh,

Thanks for your wishes!

Yeah O3ites aisey hi hain… :D

I am in fact going to UK so probably it won’t be difficult to adjust.. but bahut padhai karni padegi.. oh god!!! And I’ll be competing with the best in the field… so thori tension hai…. Lets see kya hota hai… :D *grins nervously*

Well…Today onwards I am anchored in Delhi!! I’ll give you a call sometime soon…

Take care!

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hi Curious

>:D<
Thanks!!

I hope so too.. I must be crazy to go and study more.. I’ll be a double masters after I finish my course… :O

Prasad said...

woahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! congrats zephy!!!!! all da best...

whrz da treat??? :DDD

Anonymous said...

Many-2 Congratulations!!!!

whole heartedly wish you every success you aspire---.

Mann

chandni said...

congratulations!!!

I am so sure this is a good stp...forget the year of study...even the fact that u're going to be travelling menas learning and exposure!!

Ity'll be well worth it! :)

all the best!

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hey Pras

Thanks a lot!!

You’ll have to come to Delhi for the treat ;)

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hey Mann,

Thanks!
How are you doing?? MP mai sab theek chal raha hai?

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hey Chandni,

Thanks :)

I think this will be a wonderful year… I get alternatively excited and nervous every time I think about the fact that I am going… :D

Stay tuned to this blog to know how I survived :D

Mann said...

Hey, jab tak aap MP mein rahey to bahoot achchha chal raha tha-- prantoo jab aap chaley gaye hein to bas chaa----lll raha hei----

:-)

I hope you will keep writing in your blog and I will be reading more after you reach there!!!

Mann