Friday, 23 November 2007

Marriages are made in… banks

Ever since the ‘marriage season’ has begun, almost every day I get to hear stories of marriages been stopped because the dowry demand increased on the wedding day.

I was talking to someone yesterday who told me how for 8 lakhs they were getting a groom who was only in a Government job and not that good looking. And they couldn’t ‘afford’ a groom for 15 lakhs even though he was an engineer and quite decent looking.

This bit of information left me quite disgusted. Now really, are marriages equivalent to trading? Or maybe it’s a bit like an auction house. You bring out the goods and people start naming the price till the prized possession is bought.

I pity the parents of the girl who want to ‘sell’ her to a good groom and I pity the groom’s family who greedily extend their hands to get some money. Though this trend is prevalent across the country, I can’t imagine why educated people should restore to this? NRI grooms to HRD Minister Arjun Singh to common man.

Anyway, while doing research for a news story I came across this wonderful website. Do check it out. Maybe all hope is not lost…

20 comments:

Prasad said...

dowry is freekin crazy man!!! i feel takin dowry is lik sellin the guys dick!!!! dumb as idiots!!!!

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hey Pras,
Thanks for putting it so eloquently :D

Prasad said...

ooo my pleasure :DDDDD

however did u kno that there are 100's of women who also take undue advantage of the stupid 498A law which is so freekin pro women that men are litreally screwed if booked under that section! so i guess both men nd women should hav some common sense in this subject!

Jay Divanji said...

Dowry is evil. How can a poor boy like me afford to give dowry?

Meher :) said...

Well.. I agree with Prasad's idea of it.. but maybe cant put it so 'eloquently' as you said :))

I dont think the girl is being sold actually- don't you think the girl's the one who is paying the money? Buyers give money, rite? :D :D :D


But only if everything was that nice - the guys take the money and also start behaving like they were the ones who paid the money and hence own her!! Sick indeed!! And add to it - as & when the guy feels like - she should bring in more money? :O

Saw that website quite sometime back - but not sure how many of them would really stick to their ideas, shown on their profiles there, though! :)

n.aka.zephyr said...

pras
I am aware of the problem... women unfairly using this 498A.... but once the matter goes into the court women lose out the advantage if they have unfairly accused the man.. bt legal hassle is a big problem in itself too....

n.aka.zephyr said...

Jay
I don't think u'll have to give... according to the system....

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hey Meher,
It wud be great if the tables were turned ;)

But I think its not acceptable to reduce marriage to give and take of money.....

abyb said...

hi zephie,
there are all kinds of people in this world. no amount of laws can stop such practices and also female feticide. people have to realise things themselves. even education has failed to change mindsets.the govt can at best be a facilitator. the change has to come from within.

Meher :) said...

Zephie..

what reducing are you talking about?? :) Its already been reduced - and some intelligent sections are trying to revive the actual meaning of the marriges by not accepting dowries.. so I guess all we can do is to keep our fingers crossed and wish for the good tribe to increase!! :)

Jay Divanji said...

I was being ironic. :D Not that I needed to tell you! :D

Anonymous said...

Salut,

Looks like you re high on the wed issue now. Something goin on? Parental pressure or just need for a new life?

Well, Dowry does not exist anymore (hardly ever existed) in France. We had in the past (and present) some sort of inbetween Casts inbreeding to keep the wealth safe but not Indian style Dowry.
In my country, doing such a thing today will be consider by law has slavery business or prostitution. So the pressure is damn high for those goin on this.
Like everywhere, economics plays a role in building couples, but even Parents consider it under a common wealth issue not a I buy U or U O us something.
Had a look at the site, Well...casts still show. But even there, I won t say a thing. France has almost invented the rules for Yuppy inbreeding.:)
F2I

Sumit said...

Hi NG,

A good post.

I find this dowry thing as funny as the most rituals and band bajaa's in a conventional Indian shaadi.

It's the great Indian middle class which is buzzing and taking it to new hieghts. On one hand they want to set the right price and on the other want to showcase their influence in the society by this means.

But I have this instint that this shall slowly come to end with this generation. Ten years hence marriages would be more sensible .. i guess and i hope.

Cheers !!
Sumit

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hey Ab
I agree the change has to come from within and it can happen in a few ways- one is to teach the kids in school that dowry is unacceptable, female feticide is unacceptable and instead of moral since lessons or civics lessons teach with real examples etc. so that it doesn’t come out a preaching the child….

The other is to change the way ppl think but that’s difficult…

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hey Meher
Actually you are right…. It is reduced…. The onus is on ppl like us to revive it :) Hope the good tribe increases by leaps and bounds!

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hi Jay
You don’t :D

n.aka.zephyr said...

Salut F2I!
No there is no pressure… I have the coolest family ever! Its just that this is the ‘marriage season’ in India and I was doing a news report related to it and this issue came up for discussion… hence the post :)

Even in India it is legally banned but ppl still do it… economics is important but as you said it has to be a common wealth issue…

Though I do see a change in urban areas of the country but it si very slow and such ppl are still a minority…

n.aka.zephyr said...

Hey Sumit,
I find it funny too… band baaja included... :D we just make end up making weddings like a tamasha…

The great Indian middle is so confused because it is sandwiched between the old ‘rituals’ and yet want to be ‘modern’… bahut kichdi hain yahan par….
Its not easy to end this... given, 70% of our population lives in villages but yeah… urban India might see a change coz our society is evolving constantly

Anonymous said...

A quick addon,

A marriage based on dowry is void and null in my country and if it is cross country affairs, gosh, immigration get hard on that. It is jail.
F2I

n.aka.zephyr said...

F2I
Well here the marriage is not null or void (though its a good idea if such a law is passed)but taking dowry can land a person in jail here too....